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Sample Squares of our lives, all tied together ~ September 3, 2009

Posted by Stella☆LunaC in California Dreamin'.
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Old and New Favorites Book No. 205

Old and New Favorites Book No. 205

I recently got in touch with a former neighborhood buddy of mine from California, in Facebook-imagine that! I recognized him right away, even though it’s been over 35 years since I last saw him. We’ve exchanged a few emails back and forth, and he’s been back to the old neighborhood home, together with his siblings for a reunion, and even posted pictures for me to see. The lived across the street, so naturally, we hung out together a lot.

Regarding epiphanies: I had mine at 32.

I had had my second child by age 19 and a half. I married at just out of HS at 18 and got pregnant right away-after all, back then it was the “thing to do” and it was my wifely duty to make everyone happy, including my Mom, who couldn’t WAIT to have her first grand-baby.

So, having accomplished the birth of my first two children,  life went on for the next 4-5  years,  and grew stale and boring, except for the raising-the-kids parts. Then when the kids were old enough to entertain themselves more, I was able to resume doing some of the things I enjoyed, like crocheting. And that was when my Mom sent me some of her crochet books.

Seeing some of the sample motifs she made and pinned to the inside of one of those books, I realized my mother was more than just a Mom, she was once a young girl like myself, and she liked to crochet too. I found that we had more similarities, and that made all our differences seem so unimportant.

My mom was a Drill Sergeant when I was growing up-I won’t bore you with all the details but she was the Valium Queen of As the World Turns infamy. She had bouts of depression and mood swings that would send me hiding in my bedroom for days. When she was nice, she was very, very nice. But when she was bad……..I stayed to myself and kept out of trouble until the dust settled.

She developed Alzheimer’s when I was in my 40’s, and as it turned her world upside down, I found I was able to forgive her for all those horrible early years….even now, as I say “forgive”,  I feel like a traitor for even suggesting she needed forgiving, but she was not a nice person sometimes, so yes, I could forgive her. For the Alzheimer’s brought back her youth-the young girl I had never met before emerged, and I was grateful for that little glimpse into her youthful memories before they vanished like vapor from a steamed-up mirror. She made mistakes in my younger days, and I too, made mistakes. In a small way, I felt somewhat redeemed by being given the chance to help her get through the loss of her husband- I could tell her I loved her without fear of rejection, and regardless of what may have occurred in the past, I was there for her in her darkest moments.

I love going through my Mom’s old books, it gets me inspired again. I guess it’s that time of year again, and as Fall approaches and the days grow shorter, I think back on the time when I went out to California to be with my Dad in his final days before the cancer finally took him and his suffering was ended.

The pages are worn and tattered, but it’s what’s inside that matters.

Pinwheel #7064

Pinwheel #7064

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