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What is the biggest secret you failed to keep | Writers Prompts March 21, 2011

Posted by Stella☆LunaC in Random Musings.
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Write about the biggest secret you failed to keep.

Talk about a loaded question or a smoking gun….keep a secret and then blab in a blog?

I think I am the most trust-worthy person alive.  I know there have been times I have been asked not to tell someone something, “please don’t tell….” . People who need to ask you to keep a secret, probably have trust issues themselves, and therefore, need to vent to someone.  Consider yourself privileged to be appointed the position of Secret Keeper, should the opportunity arise.

I have a secret I have sworn to myself to keep, and take with me to my grave. I have never had a problem keeping my secret. It is something I just wish had never happened. Ironically, the transgression that caused such pain, became a huge trust issue with me, and it sickens me to have to keep it hidden away like this.  I consider it too damaging to my kids to even tell them, and instead will hold the person responsible for whether or not to disclose it at any time.

Trust is a big part of what makes me who I am. I remember as a child, Mom said she couldn’t stand a Liar, with a capital “L”. She would often accuse me of lying to her about this or that; knowing her temper was the one real reason I never lied to her about anything. I knew that if I got caught up in a lie, it would come back to bite me big-time, and hell hath no fury like my mother when she got mad. Things got broke, and I don’t mean objects around the house. She broke my spirit the very first time she falsely accused me of a lie. After that, I made it my goal to prove her wrong. I never got the chance to make things right with her, that I know of.

When I got married and moved away,  communication with my Mom was awkward and infrequent. I didn’t feel I could talk to her about much of anything, the trust level was not there. My dad was my best buddy, when times got rough. But he too, kept a tight lip and did not play sides where my mother was concerned.

When I was raising my kids (I had my first two at the tender age of 18 and 20) I didn’t have my mother’s support. She was just too far away to be of any help, and her opinions on how to raise children was so harsh, so military, that I avoided any discussions with her about the children. I did not agree with how she raised me, using an “iron fist” and all, and did not want any part of that with my kids. I would not subject them to the harsh methods  of discipline my mother used. Back then, it was socially acceptable for husbands to “keep their wives in their place” and when disciplining the children, “they should be seen and not heard.” Because of my experiences, I made a solemn vow to never raise my kids that way.

Unfortunately, inexperience won over and I was not able to hold to my promise, The one time I regret most was the day I stopped perpetuating the vicious cycle. It traumatized me so badly that after that, I held firm on my original promise for the remainder of their childhood.

I remain to this day, the Keeper of All Things Sacred and Secret, so after reading this,  if you have any thoughts you need to unload, don’t post them here. After all, this is a public blog. But if you have things you want to share with me personally, no worries there. What goes in one ear, usually comes out the other. File: delete. ;)

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